A friend is marrying this September 16th, and it’s time to write the Best Man speech, and start practicing. Ironically, I never considered myself Best Man material. More second string backup, than “The Guy”. You know, in the event groomsman number four tweaks out, break glass and call me. Groomsman on the spot. Now I’m entrusted with transporting someone twice my size to the ceremony in time. Fortunately he’s not a drinker, and no strip club runs are in the works. I believe a functional GPS will also help.

This reception will be one big bad mofo party, attendance wise. Last count was 175, and I believe that might prove a conservative number. Big families, lots of friends and tons of happy people want to wish the lucky couple a good start. And rightly so.

But what to say. What to say.