A writer, reloaded

Please welcome Editor Person to the blogsphere.

Consider this is Part 1 of a 2 part blog. The second half will run Thursday. I’ll swear right now on a stack of religious books of your choice, Thursday’s blog will be both funny and entertaining.

On the writing front, I met with Editor person and reviewed the query letter for the Ridge Runner. That conversation went something like thus…

sam: It’s good on the sales pitch side, but it lacks personality.
Editor Person: There’s only so much personality you can cram in 350 words.
sam: I need something that makes mine stand out just that extra bit.
Editor Person: Let’s see, you have zero publishing credentials. You’re a novice on the subject matter. You still don’t know how to use commas consistently. I think you stand out.
sam: This query has got to look different from the others, or it’s getting tossed.
Editor Person ( reads ): You got one shot at distinguishing yourself. Go for one laugh and hope for the best.
sam: Suggestions?
Editor Person: For you to be funny? Look in a mirror, perhaps?
sam: Anything else?
Editor Person: 2 words, Harry Potter. Play the JK Rowling angle. Publishing loves the underdog forced into a career change.

So the new query letter does just that.

After more than a month hiatus and many pages into book number two, Editor person and I met. This was a proactive session, in the event that the prospective agent asks ( let’s hope ) to see the rest of The Ridge Runner. I wanted to polish to chapter 4-22 one last time. Imagine Editor person on one side of the desk, yours truly on the opposite. As they flipped through the pages, the discussion went something like this….

Editor person: Grammar, grammar, spelling,…OK…that works…oh this is back again. This upstream downstream problem.
sam: There is no back. It’s always been messed up.
Editor person: You know it’s messed up, yet you left it to me to find.
sam: Indeed. I’ve been waiting for you to notice that.
Editor person: Oh I noticed it. It’s very jarring.
sam: But you missed it the last 2 drafts.
Editor person: In the midst of the carnage you call writing, it was all I could do to stop the bleeding.
sam: But you actually missed something.
Editor person: I saw it.
sam: I’ve got 2 other drafts that say you missed it.
Editor person: Can I tell you what you’re going to miss if you continue this discussion?

At long last Editor person and I will meet. There’s veritable bunches of stuff they’ve yet to see. A meeting like this has been weeks in the making. Day jobs always get in the way. Last night I called them to verify we were on for today.

sam: Yo Editor person we on for Wednesday?
Editor person: Perhaps.
sam: Perhaps yes, or perhaps no?
Editor person: Yes.
sam: Yes which is it?
Editor Person: You called for a reason I hope.
sam: I called to find out if we’re on for Wednesday.
Editor Person: Today is Tuesday.
sam: And that means tomorrow is Wednesday.
Editor Person: So call me then. Right now I’m working.
Sam: At 9pm you’re working?
Editor Person: I’m always working.
sam: You haven’t read any of the pages yet have you?
Editor Person: Not yet, I’m about to go to bed. Try me in the morning.

Editor person has gone mad, only not like crazy like they usually are but like seasonal bug ill. It happens about once a year and is terribly inconvenient.

sam: Hey what say we meet up and go over some pages?
Editor Person: I’m ill.
sam: I hear you, but since you aren’t working for the Man right now, it means you have some free time on your hands.
Editor Person: I’m ill. Can’t you see that?
sam: Not over the phone no.
Editor Person: Reread your lead in sentence for this blog and get back to me.
sam: What did the doctor say?
Editor Person: They said I’m ill.
sam: You never go to the doctor. I don’t believe you.
Editor Person: I’m ill. Is that getting through to you?
sam: But you’re home and everyone thinks you are ill, so you have time.
Editor Person: A pox on you you insolent author! A pox I say!
sam: I could send them email.
Editor Person: Don’t call. Don’t email. Don’t contact.
sam: Now you sound like a Hollywood agent.
Editor Person: This conversation is so over. So over. I’m sleeping now.
sam: When you wake up check your email.

I’ve blogged a lot about Editor person in the last few weeks, and I want to take a moment to thank them for all their efforts. I lack the eye and stomach for surgical grammar attacks. But without some focus on grammar, I’ll be blogging to myself for the rest of my life. And the wife won’t like that very much since she wants mini-sam’s running around the house.

Editor person: You know every time I read one of your crappy sentences, an alarm bell goes off in my head?
sam: That’s why you’re a good editor.
Editor person: I have a headache now, from all the ringing.
sam: Do you want an aspirin?
Editor person: I want you to stop writing while you are asleep.
sam: Right. I’ll up the coffee intake in the morning.
Editor person: What are you going to do 30 books from now when I’m dead?

I panicked. Could there be an end to Editor person?

sam: No problem. I’ll have you cloned.

At last I settled on a title for book number two. I gave this new title a lot of thought, avoiding commitment at all costs. However since I thought the existence of a second book in progress was worth mentioning in the query letter, I had to decide.

Here’s the original working title of book number two: 23 Seconds. Why? Two reasons – I like the number 23 and I was going for a sense of urgency, like a clock running down. Editor person saw through my ruse from the start and told me so with the grace of a diplomat.

Editor person: I hate the new title. Hate it.
sam: But it ties into the plot.
Editor person: Picture the review – Sam Hilliard – 23 Seconds – about how long you want to read this book. 23 Seconds – how long his career will last.
sam: It seemed like a good idea before.
Editor person: You get good ideas sometimes. This is not one of them.

So, in the sense of conveying the idea of momentum and progress, I settled on….

You didn’t think I was going to make it that easy, did you? Check back next Wednesday and the secret will be revealed.

UPDATE 3/7/2004: Editor person objected at the use of the word ain’t that I attributed to them in a previous version of this blog. Apologies to Editor person. This has been removed.