I’d like to fight my boss

Writer guy

There’s another dead tree today and the blood is on my hands, because I printed out a few copies of the book for copyright purposes. I’m not sure why the copyright office shuns electronic submissions. But I guess that’s what the 30 dollar fee they charge covers.

Being in possesion of the brand new hardcopy leads me to the second problem; ever try to find an envelope big enough to hold hundreds of loose pages? If so, have you tried to seal that envelope after inserting those same pages, Form TX and a check for 30 dollars? Really seal it, now, so it doesn’t rip open.

Yeah, me neither. I’m ready for the emergency room thanks to all the papercuts. Also, my cat refuses to speak to me now because he mistook the envelope for a skateboard and tried to use his 21 pound body to scoot it across the glass top coffee table. Let’s just say, the coffee table won and there are fresh claw marks in my leg.

Somebody call a medic

Writer guy

Well, I may have flubbed my afternoon deadline, but here we go…

I spent some time with Editor person over the phone discussing the query letter. They liked one half of my pitch, hated the other. More of a concern was that their least favorite half was the first two paragraphs. So we went back and forth like usual. It’s still not 100 percent there, but it’s close. My guess is the query letter is about 90 percent on and by Tuesday it will be 100 percent. Since I’m an unknown quantity with zero references in publishing I have to make the query custom fit for each agent I query.

In between revisions I’ve been looking for prospective agents. Using Jeff Herman’s book, I developed my first round short list of three agents who specialize in the genre my book best fits within. All three have negotiated film deals, six figure advances and world rights in the past 12 months for clients. Then I googled my a** off looking for any interviews or other insights into each of the three agents as individuals. Cause basically, I’m looking for a very specific personality type in an agent. I’m not a looking for another friend, I’m looking for my champion. I’m also looking for some kind of commonality between their back story and mine. One thing I can say is there are a lot of agents with very impressive credentials, so if round one doesn’t work out, there’s plenty to choose from in round two.

Something’s Gotta Give

Writer guy

This film is moving out of the theaters, but I went and saw it this weekend. It’s a good thing the wife and I waited until a Sunday night towards the end of the run to see it because I couldn’t stop laughing. I laughed so damn hard I started crying. If people were there, they would have either been laughing with me, or staring. Also, there was a point where I spewed up my beverage because of a joke Jack Nicholson cracked. It had something to do with Diane Sawyer. I’d probably would’ve gotten in a fist fight with the guy in front of me, had there been a guy in front of me. Good thing it was only water.

It’s very interesting to see a film where the stars aren’t made up to look ten years younger than they are. That impressed me. Diane Keaton had wrinkles under her eyes, and so did Captain “You can’t handle the truth” Jack. How unusual, how different, how natural. It made the story all the more believable.

The only thing I will mention about the movie is that it’s a little long. Is it too long? Not exactly. I have a theory on this, it wasn’t that there were too many scenes, or that the timing of any scene was off, it’s just a few of the earlier exchanges could’ve have been trimmed. There was a lot of dialog, and it was all good, but by the time we got to the ending, I was ready for bed. I’d laughed so hard by the time the film got really serious, I was done. The fact that it was nearly one in the morning may have played into this as well.

But if you have more energy and some time, check it out. It’s funny. Really funny. And I think it has a message or two, wrapped in a pleasant and entertaining package.

Here we come

Writer guy

Editor person agreed to review the query letter. They took some convincing, but they committed to a quick turnaround. Here’s how my request for help went down.

sam: I need your help.
Editor person: Absolutely. You need serious psychological help.
sam: With the query letter.
Editor person: Oh, that’s the least of your problems.
sam: Can you give it a look see?
Editor pesron (crinkling paper in the background): Just did.
sam: What do you think?
Editor person: I see it looks like a query letter.
sam: Should I change anything?
Editor person: I’m Editor person, not query letter person.
sam: Today you could be query letter person too.
Editor person: If I do, will you hang up and leave me alone?
sam: Already hung up. We’re not even talking right now.
Editor person: We’re so not talking.