The wife and I don’t have a TV. No, we’re not hill people. But thanks for asking. We have all our teeth and an indoor toilet. However, lately we’ve been revisiting that decision.

Back when the wife was just a wee lass, her father hid the remote control so others couldn’t watch the one TV they had in the living room. If you did by some chance find the remote, you wouldn’t have it for long.

Flash to when the wife was just the girlfriend. She said, “You’re not allowed to own a television. That way you won’t turn into my father.” I’d like to say I retorted with something manly, something that conveyed my indignation, but I didn’t.

What follows is the pluses and minuses of TV ownership. Part of this I’m working from memory on, so there may be others.

Reasons to own a TV
1) People look at us dubiously when we say we don’t own one.
2) We could watch it instead of talking with each other.
3) We would know what happened on the show OC.

Reasons not to own a TV
1) It costs money. I hate that.
2) According to every person I talk to, this season is the “worst ever”. They also said that last year.
3) I’d have to move the furniture around again.
4) One want leads to another. TV leads to Cable leads to VCR leads to DVD leads to Tivo leads to Mortgage. That sucks even more than number 1.

NJ has a dicey reputation when it comes to auto repair. This blog is about the role of a certain dealership.

My parents get their car serviced by what I consider the finest mechanic on the East Coast, Jake. Jake’s a great mechanic for many reasons but the most important is that he loves cars.

So usually my parents go to Jake, but there was a recall on a part. It was an unadvertised recall which they only found about the recall through Jake. Here’s what happened at the dealership.

Dealer: Whoever is taking care of your car is making a lot of mistakes. We found serious issues with your transmission. It’s leaking.
Parent: Interesting, since there’s never been a spot under my car in the last four years.
Dealer: Oh, it’s leaking.
Parent: How much will this be?
Dealer: 808 dollars.
Parent: Can i have a copy of the estimate?
Dealer: Certainly.
Parent: And you replaced recall part XYZ?
Dealer: Yep. when do you want to get your car in?
Parent: Just as soon as my personal mechanic looks over your estimate and tells me all this needs to be done. can i have my keys please?
Dealer: Sir these issues are real and if your mechanic is reputable he will concur…

At this point my parent put his ID card on the counter so the Dealer could see it. He works for one big 3 networks, in the news department.

Parent: I do my best work off camera. How about you?
Dealer: Here’s your keys sir. Thank you and have a nice day.

The only thing that turned out to be leaking was the integrity of this dealer.

Scientists unraveled a new theory about the Internet this week that may change your life! All Internet traffic now belongs to one of two categories: pornography or spam.

This makes sense, because every 10 minutes another spam hits my inbox with a link to an adult web site, comes on for bigger breasts, free Viagra or Paris Hilton live in my hotel room tonight.

Well, my breasts are just fine thank you. If anything less would be better. Paris Hilton seems OK, but when traveling without your significant other it’s best not to summon anyone to your hotel room except room service. I’ll ask the wife about the Viagra thing just to be safe, but I’m pretty sure we don’t need it.

Now, you may be asking yourself, self why is sam boring me to tears with this factoid? Golly gee, sam I’ve known this about the Internet since 1997. Get a clue sam – it’s all pornspam. Or spamporn. Go take a remedial Internet awareness course sam!

Here’s my point. I manage to surf at least an hour of day, and none of it involves adult sites. And I’m going to bet you do too and so do millions of others. Hence, my point is – the hell with statistics. Statistics lie. Statistics are numbers that just can’t get seem to get their story straight.

Unless of course they get me a book deal, in which case I love them.

In the midst of tax season a jury summons appeared in my mailbox. What a loaded day. First the tax man frees me of funds and now the court system wants my opinion.

Jury duty is the price of voting in NJ so any opportunity to perform my civic duty is welcome. But there’s one hitch. I’ve been summoned to the wrong county. So I call the uber helpful people at the appropriate NJ state agency.

NJJMS: Yo.
sam: I’ve been summoned for jury duty.
NJJMS: No kidding? I never hear that one.
sam: What does that mean exactly?
NJJMS: You get 2 days off work for a 1 day trial.
sam: Hey, that’s great! But thing is, this summons is for X county and I live in Y county.
NJJMS: Hold on. Read me the number to the right of the bar code.
sam ( reads numbers )
NJJMS: Why did you get this summons? You don’t live in X county. You live in Y county.
sam: That’s why I’m calling.
NJJMS: But you’re disqualified.
sam: So what do I do?
NJJMS: Nothing. You don’t get 2 days off work.
sam: Anything else?
NJJMS: You don’t get 5 dollars a day.
sam: But what if I want to serve?
NJJMS: Sir, you’re not qualified.
sam: Is there any possible way I can be on this jury?
NJJMS: No. In fact I’m adjusting your record in the system right now. You’re out of the consideration pool permanently.
sam: Well, if you insist.