With the heavy rain outside, the sound of the water against the glass remind me of a cross between the end of the world and the beginning of political convention season. Just like peanut M&Ms, the two inclement events are the same foul flavor and consistency; cheap chocolate and soggy. Ah yes, there’s a ruckus brewing out there and I hope it stays the hell back.

Reading the last few lines reminds me of an old Peanuts cartoon, “It was a dark and stormy night…” Did Snoopy ever write a second line to his magnum opus or was it all an homage to the “all work and no play make jack a dull boy” in the Shining?

Speaking of interesting missives, there was an Ask Buddhapuss slated for today. Tragically, Master Buddhapuss slept the entire morning and afternoon on my favorite reading chair, suffocating my last pair of clean denim jeans. I was able to rouse him, but only long enough for dinner. The jeans were a wreck. There’s no hope for them in this life or the next.

After dinner the cat wanted none of this blogging business. My apologies.

Fathers pass down very few essential rules from life’s operation manual to their sons. When hungry, eat. When thirsty, drink. When boredom strikes, reach for a book/TV remote/Gameboy. And the most important one, never let your mother know.

The essence of man to man relationships is well, primitive, basic and somehow for the sum of recorded history has only resulted in 1 large scale military conflict every 7 years.

But that’s men to men. Women to women? Little secret here guys:
1. We will never understand the complexities of the female to female dynamic.
2. Reread rule 1.
3. You still don’t get it.

This argument boils down to a unique characteristic of the female sex which I hereby dub love and hate.

Women can love and hate another female/male/hairstyle/puppy dog/book at the same time. A woman can lust for her husband’s death for not wiping the sink down after shaving just as she yearns for him to return home early from a business trip. And most incredibly, she can feel and express both emotions with equal intensity!

Men can not do this. This I know to be true.

My father’s calling me now. Something about losing the remote control in the couch…

A former colleague got me thinking about this client we used to service. While staffed with the nicest people in the world, this company also held the record for the most ridiculous expectations.

Here’s a sample:

Client: The application can start my car right?
sam: Tragically, no.
Client: Surely this can be implemented.
sam: Never. That’s just not possible. Not an option.
Client: So how long will it take you to make that work?

And another:

Client: Can we have electronic fulfillment for our hardware orders?
sam: Right after I fix the glitches in the teleporter.
Client: I knew the application could start my car!

Ah, those were the days. They started off with Pepto-Bismol and ended with many Newcastles.

OK, enough entries from the Writing category. In my defense, I plead query mode and that my head is sort of someplace else. Enough of that already.

Let’s kick out the funnies. 4 years ago I woke up at 2am with blood all over my pillow. Gee, that’s not very funny is it? Anyway, the emergency room doctors diagnosed this as a severe middle ear infection and referred me to a specialist.

Enter the insurance company swine who deemed this emergency room visit unnecessary and refused to pay. When blood gushes from your ear at 2am, is it really necessary to consult with your primary care provider first? My first thought was no, so I appealed the decision.

Not to be neglected, the hospital threatened to take me to collections for the cost of the visit. I ate the charges, paid up and moved on.

For 3 years and 11 months nothing more was said about this matter. 2 weeks ago a notice arrived from the insurance company swine. At last the visit to the emergency room was covered! Since they owed me money, they sent the check for the disputed amount to the hospital.

See, life is a highway. And sometimes you’re in a bumper car.