It’s a good thing Queen Isabella never heard of the Atkins diet. Otherwise Christopher Columbus may have passed on the bet, ceding the first one here title to the Vikings. And while everyone loved the Vikings for their taste in window treatments, as raiders, they had a nasty habit of lighting everything nailed down on fire and stealing what wasn’t. In many ways, the Vikings were the Enron’s of their day, a mere eight hundred years before the discovery of the boardroom.

Still, burning the country side does not a stable New World make, so the job went to Columbus. On his day, we remember his discovery of North America and revel in the importance. My high school history teacher summarized Christopher’s accomplishments best – Columbus didn’t know where he was going, when he got there he didn’t know where he was, and when he got back home – he didn’t know where he’d been. And so a nation was born.

Today, many commuters relive his journey each business day by going to work.

A friend sent me this picture. Boy, I just got nothing on this one. Master Buddhapuss returns on Friday.

Tonight when the house lights dimmed in the movie theater, panic struck. No, it wasn’t a justifiable riot over the price of concessions. It was me and my old friend panic.

Many months have passed since a panic attack toyed with me. Or was it last week? Anyway, I had a moderate episode as the trailers started. A college student in a football jersey, his head shaped like an elf, plopped down next to me. That part was all right, but then he pulled socks onto his feet.

The thought of someone with an elf shaped head was creepy. But the thought of someone coming to the movies to put socks on their feet while sitting next to me was too much to bear.

So to Mr. College Student: Next time please wear proper foot gear to the cinema. Besides the obvious health risks and my discomfort level, socks work best when applied before leaving the home.

There is just something about volcanoes that inspire all but the hardiest spirits to run home to momma. Hell, even dormant volcanoes frighten me. Lately it seems that volcano activity is increasing. Reports from Washington and Hawaii indicate substantial eruptions are possible. Clearly, as a citizen of New Jersey these developments are troubling.

While New Jersey can survive almost anything Mt. St. Helen offers up, that doesn’t mean I’m a tourist to the struggle. For starters, I have a small jar in my dresser with some ash from the last fiesta out that way. Second, thanks to the web cam setup, I see what those on the scene see. At least until the lava melts the cameras. And lastly, prospective volcano victims and I agree that being in the way of hot and steamy magma sucks.

So to all prospective volcano victims here’s a suggestion: move to New Jersey. We don’t have volcanoes but after a few weeks of living here, you will wish we did. That’s a promise.