Despite a promise I made someone–yes, Mom counts–I’ll post this secret. Part of the reason for the lack of posts lately is that I set up a skydiving trip. Wanted to do this forever, and now with the nice weather, it seems like a good time.
I will keep part of my word though and conceal the date so they don’t completely freak out. But it’s soon.
Jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. For fun. Awesome.
If I like it, I’ll pursue certification and then someday this might be me…
For me, there’s a balance of emotional and creative energy, and when overwhelmed with an emotional event, usually the creative output declines. Which is what happened this week, and there’s really nothing tangible I might disclose on the writing front.
Dynamics are shifting in powerful ways, however. I had an extremely intense conversation with someone I never expected about their struggle with letting go of outcome. Very, very profound stuff, and purposeful. The reason I mention the dialog is because what seemed like a chance encounter reaffirmed my sentiment about coincidences. In which this writer disputes such things exist.*
This week I resume the screenplay. The deadline for Nicholl’s approaches fast.
*Yes, Ian, the phrasing is a nod to you. 😉
A major life change is coming down the pike, and the very possibility I railed against for the last eight months–despite all my efforts and silent bargaining–is unfolding. But there’s a larger fight at play.
I keep struggling with this lesson: the harder I fight my fears the more likely their realization. Yet, shortly after yielding to a undesirable outcome, the very last thing I want to confront, the pain and apprehension passes.
Then the healing starts.
For the past few years I believed in the interconnectedness of events, and the only coincidences are people who believe randomness guides the universe. A sweeping statement, indeed, and one a few friends of mine reject for lack of evidence. I understand their apprehension; abstract thoughts are tough to prove. Perhaps I also lack the suave to advocate my case clearly.
Besides, it is very easy to miss these connections as they unfold. Often in a tense moment, the threads linking two distinct events appear invisible–and may not appear to the participants at all. The focus for those who find themselves at the eye of a storm rests on survival, rather than why the two forces collided and wrought destruction around them.
Missing the connections as they present themselves does not mean the links are broken or do not exist; it usually means the observer is standing too close to the action, so near they can not separate themselves from the event and consider another perspective. At that view, gut reaction takes over and guides one to what appears like a safe place.
A lot is happening behind the scenes, particularly on a personal level, and I anticipate quite a bit more in the coming weeks. Lately I’m seeing connections everywhere, and I need time to process them. Updates may be spotty until I punch through the other side, but rest assured, I’m still here.
Just a quick note on writing projects: Proofreading revisions for the first 50 pages came back from Oriana and I’m pleased, even though the pages drip red like a monster sliced my organs open over the text; I forgot to send her some green pens for editing. Still on track for entering Nicholl’s and soon as I put the screenplay to bed, it’s back to The Confession.