Author: Writer guy

Come on Veronica

Writer guy

This morning my cats tried to kill me. More precisely, one of them tried to kill me, the other served as the distraction. It started one minute before the alarm went off. Cat’s know that moment, right before the alarm rings, where their people are at their weakest mentally and physically.

I heard them circling my head, in tandem, stomping from pillow to pillow, comforter then back to the pillow. Hearing the alarm they bolted down the hall, expecting me to follow. Ah, but I did not follow. I hit snooze and ignored them. That was my mistake.

The alarm went off again. Eyes half shut, oblivious, I stumbled down the hallway, unaware that my presence had awoken the beasts of hell. Barreling down the corridor they came for me, a large black shadow and a smaller gray and white streak. The wife’s gray cat reached me first, darting past my bare calves, pivoting, then dropping at my feet. In order to avoid stomping the demon, I stepped to the right, knocking myself off balance.

My cat, the traitor, slammed headlong into my legs, knocking me forward, sending me down like Santa Claus on the seventh day of Chanukah.

As I lay in shock, the wife called out from the shower, �Oh honey, I forget to tell you. The cat’s haven’t eaten yet.�

�Yeah, I’m all over that,� I said, spitting out carpet fibers.

The most wonderful time of the year

Writer guy

I’m wrestling with my second ear infection of the winter. My doctor has been on my case about this for some time. Because of the number of infections I had since being a smaller version of my present self, there’s quite a bit of permanent damage to my middle ear. Combined with tinnitus, I’m down to about 60 percent of my hearing. Where this condition is going is unknown. The doctor told me about some surgical options, but I’m holding out for something less invasive.

Here’s 4 things good about losing some of my hearing:
1) I get to stare at people’s lips when they’re talking and have an excuse for it. Some of you out there need to try some chapstick. Please.
2) Rap music is pleasant now. The ringing filters out words like mutha***** and b**** and c***, not to mention s*** and w****. Another plus : Die, Whitey Die! – rolls right by.
3) I can sleep through my cat snoring.
4) I can sleep through my own snoring.

You know what? So far I’m ahead on this deal.

These amps go to 11

Writer guy

I was asleep when when editor person called tonight with some unsolicited advice about the blog. That’s in addition to yesterday’s go round.

Editor person: So, you want some advice about this blog thing?
sam: I can’t wait.
Editor person: You waste too much text being philosophical.
sam: Maybe. But I made a few good points.
Editor person: The only point you made is that you’re no philosopher.
sam: Maybe I could be philosophical once a week.
Editor person: Great, so now only once a week no one will read your blog.
sam: Well, what’s the middle ground with this stuff?
Editor person: No middle ground. Do it right and turn the tension up to 11.
sam: Pour it on, you say?
Editor person: I want to see tension dripping off the fricking screen!

Editor person has their moments, but they took me this far, so we’ll try blogging their way for a bit.

Paycheck

Writer guy

Paycheck. a film that unites director action mastermind John Woo, a Phillip Dick story and several competent actors proves the old adage that no one knows nothing is true.

Despite everything Paycheck had going for it, it left me with the feeling that I’d seen it all before. And seen it I had, in another movie just last year about a bright guy in good shape who wakes up with amnesia, then gets involved with a non classic beauty type of girl. Together they try to piece together the wreckage of his former life as some dark figures try to assassinate our hero at every turn. Let me think, it’s coming back to me now…ah yes, The Bourne Identity. Only, The Bourne Identity did not suck.

Matt Damon was offered the starring role in Paycheck, and I think a lot more of Matt Damon for passing on the project. In fact, the more I see of Matt Damon, the more I realize he was the brains of the Damon-Affleck writing team all along. It’s also clear who will still be A-list in 5 years.

Ben Affleck plays two character types, aw shucks, and petulant frat boy. We’ve seen aw shucks in Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, Chasing Amy, Daredevil and pretty much everywhere else except Good Will Hunting and Changing Lanes, which were petulant frat boy. Let’s hope petulant frat boy makes a reprise real soon, because aw shucks is done.

I’d like to say something nice about Uma Thurman, but the best I can manage is, Uma – never speak of this movie again. It wasn’t your fault.

The sidekick guy was good, Paul Giamatti. He really helped the film, but dude, don’t put this on your resume either.

If you must see Paycheck, rent this one at the library and let the government subsidize your viewing displeasure.