Today was a good day for several reasons. Well let’s clarify that, today was better than good. Actually, I’d rate it a great day. Not great in a shucky darn, look at the cute puppy with brown eyes and black spots kind of day. That’s more melodrama. When melodrama knocks, it’s best to treat it like the Jehovah’s Witness of emotions and slam it closed. No, this was a great as in hmm, why yes sir, that was a perfectly solid day, even though the alcoholic neighbor stole my newspaper off the lawn.

First, the wife and I had breakfast out, which meant no egg confetti. Second, my chiropractor beat all the pain out of my back. It’s been a long time since my back flared up, so long I forgot how irritating and distracting back pain can be. Whatever he did, pain gone. He gets an extra chocolate bunny from me next Easter.

Lastly it was great because well, I saw the wife almost all day. And that only happens…let me check my lunar calendar. Yes that only happens when we’re on vacation. So that must be what made today great. It was a vacation day in disguise.

The phrase jumping the shark is an overlooked but concise expression to say something was once great, but is no longer. It refers to an episode of Happy Days where Fonzie jumped a caged shark whilst wearing water skis. Fans of the show agree that that episode was the peak of the series, and afterwards the series was never quite what it was before. There’s even neat web site dedicated to tracking people’s opinions about what exact season and episode, where applicable, a particular TV show “jumped the shark”.

What I propose is we apply this expression to other things besides TV shows. For example:
1) The federal government. My vote is that US Federal government jumped the shark back in 1913. That’s when the Federal Reserve and the Income Tax Act rolled out. One led to inflation, the other led to taxes. That’s jumping the shark and being attacked by it at the same time.

2) Politics in general. They say politics is the art of the possible. Perhaps that was true in Aristotle’s day. That was before the creation of the trial lawyer.

3) Automobiles. They’ve jumped the shark. Every year they cost substantially more, but they seem to be less durable and more complicated to fix.

4) The state of New Jersey. That’s a tough one. Critics say it jumped the shark on day one. I disagree. Any state that’s home to Tony Soprano, is a good enough for me. By the way, I love the Mafia too.

In response to yesterday’s blog about the ice cream man a friend IM’ed me about his experiences as a boy with ice cream man. I make no claims about the accuracy of this information, but he’s a good friend and he swears it is true.

Back in his day, there was an ice cream man with an interesting and let us hope unique business model. He’d make one pass on the neighborhood selling drugs and or weapons ( like knives or brass knuckles ), then make another pass an hour later selling ice cream. Around four in the afternoon it was like “Lord of the Flies” as my friend puts it.

This dovetails with my experiences as a college student, as I tried in vain to buy some ice cream on a hot May afternoon many years back.
sam: I’d like an ice cream sandwich.
Ice cream man: I don’t have any.
sam: Orange flavored push up?
Ice cream man: Sorry.
sam: Nutty buddie?
Ice cream man: I got a real sweet treat for you. Ten bucks.
sam: That’s an awful lot for ice cream.
Ice cream man: This is special.
sam: I don’t think I’m quite special enough for that, thanks.

Ever just want to punch the Good Humor man in the face as he trolls the neighborhood hawking his frozen sugar coated wares to children? Come on, admit it. You’ve considered what it would be like to sock that middle aged man right in the nose and then ask him for an ice cream sandwich and an orange flavored push up.

Every year I like the ice cream man a little less. A few more years of this and my loathing earns its merit badge and graduates to outright hatred.

The ice cream man drives too slow for starters. Way too slow. Secondly he does this while littering that awful Kabuki meets classical music all over the street. Lastly, he’s selling young children a very dangerous drug; refined sugar. Why he’s nothing more than a drug pusher who slithers into the neighborhood, gets his money and then slithers away.

It’s time to send the ice cream pusher packing. When he comes down your street, lock your children inside. Do not heed his call for the promise of frozen treats. Take back your neighborhood! Tell him to go peddle his poison somewhere else. Do it for yourself and for your children, but please do it now!