This morning I had a lower endoscopy, a procedure which closely resembles an upper endoscopy, except for the required prep work and the insertion point of the camera.

Honestly, not to scare anyone, but in my opinion lower vs. upper, lower endoscopys suck. There were four caveats. Besides that the lower required twice as much anesthesia, when I regained consciousness, I felt violated. Also, the gown exposed….ahem…certain body parts. Surely a coincidence. Last, in order to ensure a clear picture they pumped air into the colon. This produced distension and gas worthy of secondhand Chinese food gone horribly wrong.

Absolutely no comment on the Fleet Phosoda liquid nightmare the day before.

Below – links to a few pictures from the surgery. The usual warning applies: not safe right after lunch.

Gallery of surgery pics

Ileum

The choice is clear. If your doctor orders an endoscopy, insist on an upper, not a downer.

First Britain banned guns, weapons and self-defense. Scotland one upped them by banning knives. Jobs were next on the hatchet. Now the UK is banning hoodies, caps or any apparel that might obscure or conceal the face in some public areas.

Many feel terrorized by the hood wearing “gangsters” in shopping malls. Whether these “hoods” are actual criminals, fakers or perps in-training is not clear. What is clear is that fashion is more upsetting to the British public of late than the chronic unemployment situation. Eh?

Either gun seizure works and criminals obey the laws, a point which seems a contradiction – since most criminals don’t bother with laws, hence the title criminal, or perhaps the problem weren’t too many guns at all. Perhaps people just don’t feel safe.

Maybe criminals are just plain evil and get off on scaring grandmas at the bus stop. Take away their weapons, take away their hoods, take away their plastic knives, baseball bats and cars, and they’ll still suck. Even if they have to run down grandma with a Fleet Enema.

That being said, I still love Britain. 😉

Thank you Michael Jackson for resting his case without presenting a shred of defense. At last a move that expedites the trial of the week. Oh, what a trial it has been.

Bold maneuvers at this level are a gamble. With a solitary gesture his defense said to the jury: not only did the prosecution not prove the case, recognizing any claim they made isn’t worth our time, because they are all big fat lying doodie heads.

On the plus side, the jurors aren’t bogged down further with the ordeal, and see the end is in sight. That may lead towards more favorable sentiments towards Micheal. However, much communication comes down to tone and body language. If the maneuver appeared arrogant given the evidence, resting without a defense can enrage both the judge and the jury. Given the length of the prosecution’s presentation, taking a chance like this seems foolhardy. Perhaps his play, right out of Martha Stewart cookbook, might draw similar results. Well don’t worry Michael, Martha only got six months in Camp Cupcake.

If found guilty, there’s a special place for Michael. Very special. It’s called general population in the California State Penitentiary system. Only the best 2.3 percent of the population can call it home.

You can call it Neverland.