July, 2005

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Back Attack

Sunday, July 31st, 2005

Friday night my back flared up all nasty like, so seated in front of a computer is very unfun these days. For more than three years, I had forgotten how irritating back pain can get. Discomfort in the neck, shoulders, arm or leg is but child’s play. A sharp pain at the base of the spine: very big deal. On Saturday the chiropractor concluded that in two appointments he can crack everything into proper alignment. I may just visit twice on Monday. Anything to make the lambs stop screaming…

Financial Advice

Friday, July 29th, 2005

There’s only two issues that will keep a man from public life; getting caught with a dead girl, or a live boy. In the case of Ted Kennedy, number one doesn’t apply. Michael Jackson’s fate is more murky.

His latest album: The Essential Michael Jackson hit stores last week. Incidentally, Carly Simon also shipped a new one the same day. Let’s just say Carly outsold Michael by a factor of seven. Now, both my parents groove on Carly Simon, but they only counted for two sales at best, and when my parents impact pop culture matters, that artist is done.

In fact, the numbers for the latest were so bad that if Michael Jackson was a first time novelist, he wouldn’t have a chance at round two. Those people who waited outside the courtroom, standing on cars, holding signs of support – they were the first in a very short line. No one is behind them.

Mikey, I’ve given your financial situation great thought. Here’s my suggestions.

1) Liquidate everything. If it’s not nailed down, fire sale it. The homes, the Beatles catalog, the Monkey Man bones, the hyperbaric chamber, the pictures of Madonna, etc. The only exception is the publishing to your original music catalog. A stable source of income and some walking money is important because you’re moving…
2) …to a territory that was formerly part of the Soviet Union. There what’s left of your fortune will go further and the rule of law is the rule of money. Steer clear of the Chechen republic, the growing Islam population there despises grown men who chill with young boys. Also:
3) Stop buying everything that isn’t nailed down. You are not Elton John, nor do you have his balance sheet. The last hit was so long ago even the janitors in the radio station can’t remember the DJ who spun your albums. No hits, no money. Try McDonald’s instead of Tavern on the Green for brunch. It’s cheaper and also available in Russia. Which brings me to a new phase in your career.
4) Remember when it was cool for people to know you? Today the opposite is true. I bet somewhere in that stash of pictures, you’ve got photos of yourself with famous and semi-famous people the world over. I hope you kept the negatives, because now your people will call up their people and remind them what kind of damage photographic evidence of this sundry association can do to a reputation. Blackmail? More a reminder of days gone by, and they get a neat souvenir for their piece of mind. Hell, Corey Feldman is good for at least ten bucks.

Courtney Love’s Prospects

Wednesday, July 27th, 2005

It’s no secret I have issues with Courtney Love. Her flagrant drug use and general bad attitude are irksome. However, as of late she seems different. She’s got six months of sobriety in the can, and a judge considers her progress encouraging. Well, Courtney, what’s next? My friend and I ponder this very quandry…

Sam: she can get thin and do playboy
IM Buddy: keep the scandal to yourself
IM Buddy: hell no
Sam: oh sure
Sam: she gets down to say 140
IM Buddy: the playboy ship sailed a LONG time ago
Sam: more surgery dude
IM Buddy: ok.. you’ve seen her skinny.. and putting the meat back on
IM Buddy: her face is f***** up
Sam: makeup
IM Buddy: her boob job has gone to s***
Sam: can do wonders
Sam: they can fix that
Sam: its painful
IM Buddy: she’s just nasty now
Sam: but they can do it
Sam: she gets down to 140
Sam: they will run her
IM Buddy: circa her esquire appearance, playboy was an option..
IM Buddy: that Corrigan album of hers..
IM Buddy: hustler
IM Buddy: now… well… a boob flopping out on COPS is about her speed
Sam: heh
IM Buddy: if she gets back in shape.. maybe celebrity skin

Welcome Editor Person ( again )

Tuesday, July 26th, 2005

Please welcome Editor Person to the blogsphere.

Atkins - the week in review

Monday, July 25th, 2005

Today marks day 8 of Atkins for Life. In past week, I’ve learned a lot about the meal plan, and the induction process. Five pounds of weight lost so far. Quite possibly this is entirely water. I’ll know for certain in another week.

All workouts went as scheduled, with no noted loss of strength, endurance or muscle mass. Motivation and energy levels are fairly consistent.

My purpose to determine does the eating plan actually burn fat or not? Body fat measurements taken with calipers on three areas of the body – the thighs, waist and chest, will prove this.

I’m following the diet to the letter, recording all carbs I ingest, and never consuming more than twenty grams total from the approved list per day. The water intake is met or exceeded.

There’s a few misconceptions about Atkins that can only be addressed by reading the book from cover to cover. Certainly, I had more than a few.

Here’s the biggies:
1)You can eat as much cheese, butter, heavy cream and sour cream as you want.
FALSE. During the two week induction process, three to four ounces of cheese, totaling four grams of carbs are allowed each day. One to two tablespoons of sour cream are acceptable ( at the cost of one gram per tablespoon ). Heavy cream counts as one gram for every two tablespoons.
2)Eat as many fatty meats as you like. Bring on the lamb, baby!
FALSE: The plan calls for liberal amounts of all kinds of meats, however at a certain point proteins are metabolized as glucose, rather than protein. Obviously this works against the diet. The exact level varies but a rough guide is about forty five grams per three hours. It’s a lot, and most meals aren’t nearly that protein rich, but there is a limit.
3) People do Atkins for two weeks lose some week quick, quit and wind up fatter than before.
TRUE: People fail because they quit the diet or cheat. Once off the diet, it’s likely that they will gain some weight, and weigh even more. This fact is not hidden in the book or on the website.
4) Atkins is not maintainable because eventually everyone craves carbs.
UNKNOWN: There are four stages to Atkins, and I’ve only done the first half of one, so I won’t speculate as to why people stray. However, according to the book it should take about three to four months to reach Maintenance. As you cycle through the process, more carbs are allowed. The exact level varies per person, and everyone is different. A healthy adult in maintenance might be able to consume as many as ninety grams of carbohydrates per day. That’s about one third of the average American, and it’s certainly not no carbs.
5) Carbohydrates are critical to health, denying them is crazy. Atkins is no carb, therefore it is asinine.
FALSE: Nowhere does the plan say not to eat carbs. It is an eating plan that discourages enriched carbs, like bread and pasta, as well as refined sugars like corn syrup or sugar. The plan does call for plenty of nutrient rich vegetables which contain carbs. Right now I’m eating three cups more of veggies per day than before Atkins.

New Stuff

Friday, July 22nd, 2005

New movie reviews for Wedding Crashers, Fantastic Four and the Longest Yard.

Longest Yard

Friday, July 22nd, 2005

Adam Sandler’s performances range from very funny, funny, and perplexing. Little Nicky was perplexing; Water Boy, very funny. The remake of the Longest Yard - funny.

It is a loose interpretation of the original flick starring Burt Reynolds, though Burt has a solid part this go round as well. Sandler plays a once great football player who violates his parole terms and gets a free ride to the Big House. The warden loves football and arranges for Sandler’s transfer to coach his personal team, all guards in the prison system. Unfortunately, the guards make it clear they want nothing to do with the new inmate. As a compromise, Sandler offers to coach a team of prisoners for a dress game so the guards can get in extra practice. The problem: finding enough prisoners willing to risk retribution from the guards and play under Sandler.

In short: this is a football film, targeted at guys, set in a prison.

What works about the film:

1) The jokes and gags work.

2) Burt Reynolds can act, even if his latest face lift that makes him appear Asian.

3) Good pacing

Verdict: DVD purchase. It’s worth a look see, but nothing will be lost on the jump to the smaller screen.