Month: April 2004

The new math

Writer guy

The follow up to Nia Vardolos international hit, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Connie and Carla arrived in theaters last Friday and died on arrival. It was so bad Uma Thurman may as well have jumped off the screen of Kill Bill 2 and killed the producers and studio.

Let’s step through the math and compare box office, shall we?
MGFGW 353 worldwide gross – 24 million costs = 329 million profit

Man, that’s a nice tidy profit. And that number excludes video rentals, DVD sales and the TV show spin off. Now compare MBFGW numbers to Connie and Carla so far.

Connie and Carla gross 3 million – 37 million cost = -34 million << OUCH! My math's kinda fuzzy but one of those bottom lines don't look like the other. So sam, what the hell is your point? I don't like math blogs, you're saying. Here's my point, follow ups in the wake of smash hits are very difficult animals. Judge not Nia, is all I'm saying. Anything that comes after a tsunami like MBFGW comes with the baggage of very high expectations. But I only have the expectation that the movie is in color and costs me 9 bucks to see. And you never know, it may pick up steam over time. This Friday I'm going to see Connie and Carla. If it's still playing.

Check your hat sir?

Writer guy

I’ve been writing too much when I forget what day it is. That’s usually the signal to take an afternoon off. The last week, ( or was it weeks? ) was a giant blur of writing, revising and more writing.

Here’s some observations about the query process – i.e the part where I try and sell the agent on notion of representing The Ridge Runner.
1) It takes an agent anywhere from 31 minutes to 7 weeks to return an email.
2) Some agents won’t respond to email at all. After nine weeks I’m thinking they won’t respond, but it’s not impossible they will prove me wrong.
3) There is no correlation between the amount of time it takes an agent to respond and the likelihood of them requesting materials. One agent responded within 48 hours and wanted to see more, another took 6 weeks and 1 day. Conversely one rejection came back in 31 minutes. Huzzah!
4) Most agents like to say they are looking for a book that will make them miss a subway stop, even if they live in Los Angelos.
5) It is not difficult to get a maybe from an agent, if you can stomach hearing no a lot.
6) I’m not convinced getting a yes is that much more difficult, provided it’s the right material for the agent.

At present I’m wedged on step 6. The only choice is to wade through a lot more no’s trying to find that yes.

The sune she shine like a star

Writer guy

If it gets any nicer outside the only sane course of action shall be to take the day off. At 73 degrees, with clear visibility and a slight breeze, the weather verges on the cusp of perfection.

But checking predictions for Monday reveals that the weather can get better! A whole lot better in fact. Forecasts for Monday call for temperatures in 80’s. Monday might be the day where I forget how much I look forward to spring, because it will stop being something that is on the way next week or next month. Spring will just be. Boy, reading that last sentence makes me think Buddhapuss is rubbing off on me.

Taking a day off might be fun, but there’s a self imposed deadline looming. The race to finish a rough draft of Velocity by mid May is on and every writing day counts.

As for the Ridge Runner, there’s an agent looking at it. We shall see.

A show of hands please

Writer guy

Scientists unraveled a new theory about the Internet this week that may change your life! All Internet traffic now belongs to one of two categories: pornography or spam.

This makes sense, because every 10 minutes another spam hits my inbox with a link to an adult web site, comes on for bigger breasts, free Viagra or Paris Hilton live in my hotel room tonight.

Well, my breasts are just fine thank you. If anything less would be better. Paris Hilton seems OK, but when traveling without your significant other it’s best not to summon anyone to your hotel room except room service. I’ll ask the wife about the Viagra thing just to be safe, but I’m pretty sure we don’t need it.

Now, you may be asking yourself, self why is sam boring me to tears with this factoid? Golly gee, sam I’ve known this about the Internet since 1997. Get a clue sam – it’s all pornspam. Or spamporn. Go take a remedial Internet awareness course sam!

Here’s my point. I manage to surf at least an hour of day, and none of it involves adult sites. And I’m going to bet you do too and so do millions of others. Hence, my point is – the hell with statistics. Statistics lie. Statistics are numbers that just can’t get seem to get their story straight.

Unless of course they get me a book deal, in which case I love them.