{"id":10981,"date":"2008-05-09T08:49:26","date_gmt":"2008-05-09T13:49:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/2008\/05\/09\/reformulated-cheese\/"},"modified":"2008-05-15T14:01:23","modified_gmt":"2008-05-15T19:01:23","slug":"reformulated-cheese","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/2008\/05\/09\/reformulated-cheese\/","title":{"rendered":"Reformulated Cheese"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Due to rising transportation and food costs, the pizza pusher who has delighted knee-biters for four decades, Chuck E. Cheese, has replaced their signature cheese with a high moisture mozzarella blend. Not to be fussy, but what exactly might be in that secret blend besides cheese?<\/p>\n<p>And for that matter, is Chuck E. Cheese even pizza?<\/p>\n<p>Consider the proprietary manufacturing process of a major pizza maker&#8211;which I&#8217;m not saying is Chuck E. Cheese, but I could be comfortable with a reasonable person erroneously assuming such. But under no circumstances should you mistake the process below as their trademarked way, because that would be incorrect. * Coughs *<\/p>\n<p>OK, let&#8217;s make some &#8220;pizza&#8221;!<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"\/site-images\/pizza.jpg\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Step 1: Remove previously frozen crust from the refrigerator.<\/p>\n<p>Step 2: Drop crust on counter. Hope no one notices the thud.<\/p>\n<p>Step 3: Shake the contents of box of pizza stuff onto crust. Yep, one box. Pizza Stuff. You know, for kids.<\/p>\n<p>Step 4: Jam the works in an oven.<\/p>\n<p>Step 5: Serve to the same snot monster who just cast effluvia across the salad bar.<\/p>\n<p>So hungry right now . . .<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Due to rising transportation and food costs, the pizza pusher who has delighted knee-biters for four decades, Chuck E. Cheese, has replaced their signature cheese with a high moisture mozzarella blend. Not to be fussy, but what exactly might be in that secret blend besides cheese? And for that matter, is Chuck E. Cheese even [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10981","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10981","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10981"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10981\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10981"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10981"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10981"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}