What went right today:<\/p>\n
Yeah, it was that sort of a Monday.<\/p>\n
Last night, however, was fraught with zany goodness. Picture this: 9PM on a warm October evening. Beer and stories flow between a few friends. Several step outside for a smoke, and the others tag along. As they joke a neighbor the size of a refrigerator skulks up the walkway.<\/p>\n
SKULKER: I need to get inside your apartment building and check your squirrel traps.<\/p>\n
JUSTIN: What?<\/p>\n
SKULKER: Your landlord is in a lot of trouble. I’m calling the police.<\/p>\n
SAM: For?<\/p>\n
SKULKER: For setting illegal squirrel traps.<\/p>\n
JUSTIN: Uh, there are no squirrel traps inside the building. Maybe you could talk to the landlord directly about this.<\/p>\n
SKULKER: Great. Here’s my phone.<\/p>\n
JUSTIN ( steps away ): I’ll call him on mine.<\/p>\n
SKULKER: Your landlord is in big trouble. He caught a cat once in a squirrel trap. I’m going to have to call the police.<\/p>\n
SAM: You’re trespassing and you’re calling the police?<\/p>\n
SKULKER: I’m not trespassing.<\/p>\n
SAM: You’re standing in the yard.<\/p>\n
JUSTIN ( returns ): The landlord says to call the police.<\/p>\n
SKULKER ( dials a few dozen numbers ):<\/p>\n
JUSTIN: Do you need the number? Try 911.<\/p>\n
SKULKER: No. I have it.<\/p>\n
SAM: I don’t understand why the police would come about a squirrel trap inside an apartment building. Especially when it doesn’t exist.<\/p>\n
SKULKER: Look, your landlord is in big trouble. He’s been setting traps for years. A cat from the neighborhood is missing. I should know. My husband is a doctor.<\/p>\n
JUSTIN: Why don’t you call the police already. I want to complain about you trespassing.<\/p>\n
SAM: In fact, I’m going to file my own complaint. You’re threatening us.<\/p>\n
SKULKER: How am I threatening you?<\/p>\n
SAM: You’re annoying me on my time off. And trespassing. That’s a threat to my well-being, and even worse my buzz.<\/p>\n
JUSTIN: You know what? We’re going inside. When the police come, we’ll come back out.<\/p>\n
Needless to say, the po-po were a no show.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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