Shattering a proud tradition as a couple, the Wife and I hit the Shore for the first time ever, and my feet resemble twice baked Lobsters. Due to a rather unfortunate mishap with sunscreen and limited experience with tropical blasts, I applied lotion to some body parts more thoroughly than others. Mostly my face is intact. It’s my own fault really. I have a negative tan base. Like if tan was a credit line, I’d owe money on goods I can’t even afford to charge.<\/p>\n
By nature I resist direct sunlight. Resistance is an understatement, it’s more like categorically avoid intentional or indirect exposure. As a rough guide, the thermometer must breach ninety-five degrees before shorts replace jeans, and t-shirts sub for long sleeves jerseys. At that point I hover around the A\/C until nightfall. However, during this brief fit of enlightenment, or misplaced reason, even the – gasp – swim trunks saw daylight.<\/p>\n
The white orb that blinded several children at the ocean’s end was light reflecting off my pasty frame. <\/p>\n
Perhaps I’ll try this beach thing again soon. Right after the welts heal.<\/p>\n
NOTE: There are no actual welts, only random patches of redness. This is what some call a comic device. You can laugh at me now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Shattering a proud tradition as a couple, the Wife and I hit the Shore for the first time ever, and my feet resemble twice baked Lobsters. Due to a rather unfortunate mishap with sunscreen and limited experience with tropical blasts, I applied lotion to some body parts more thoroughly than others. Mostly my face is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10482","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10482","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10482"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10482\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10482"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10482"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10482"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}