I nearly broke my hand this morning trying to use the toilet, leaving me with just one question. Could not karma wait to deliver such life reaffirming events until after a second cup of coffee? To me this seems a reasonable and just request \u2013 but alas the answer was no in this case, for today the gods of karma marched to a more malevolent agenda.<\/p>\n
Even before this particular disaster, my hate-hate relationship with the bathroom was legendary. First there was my dislike for the many potential risks: slipping in the shower, toothpaste in eye, death by electric shaver. Second, and perhaps it’s the Y chromosone driving here, but my bathroom tactics always resembled NASCAR pit stops: get in, get out and keep your hands to yourself.<\/p>\n
But back to the nearly broken hand. While tending to number 1 this morning, a fly buzzed my head and landed in the window sill \u2013 a typical sight during the long, hot summer months. Suddenly there was a tremendous pressure on my first finger. Glancing downwards, I discovered a yellow jacket checking out the real estate.<\/p>\n
Self preservation impelled me to slap my own hand with tremendous and precise force. My finger, which absorbed the brunt of my rage and 2 stings, swelled immediately. <\/p>\n
Maybe karma was on vacation, but Darwin was at work here. The yellow jacket laid on the tile floor; his body severed in 2 pieces. For the first time in my life I watched an insect writhe in pain until it died – a most satisfying and excruciating death. <\/p>\n
Flushing never felt so good.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I nearly broke my hand this morning trying to use the toilet, leaving me with just one question. Could not karma wait to deliver such life reaffirming events until after a second cup of coffee? To me this seems a reasonable and just request \u2013 but alas the answer was no in this case, for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10255","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10255","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10255"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10255\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10255"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10255"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.samhilliard.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10255"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}