Pity the cold callers who reach me at work. At home I have a little more patience with them, though barely. Today I ripped into one during an unsolicited phone call. The company has contacted the school several times about a product that extends the life of toner cartridges. In theory this sounds great; however, in practice I have neither heard of the corporation nor anyone who uses their products. Needless to say, my defenses touch off whenever a call starts with, am I speaking with the person in charge of ( insert technical commodity ). Today marks the second instance that one of their representatives tried wooing me.
A sample of the first:
Leech: Am I speaking with the person in charge of the printer maintenance?
Sam: Yes.
Leech: Good. How are you today, sir?
Sam: Better when this call ends, I think.
Leech: My companys makes a product that does X for just Y you can have 500 units.
Sam: I’m not buying 500 units of something I’ve never heard of.
Leech: Oh, well we have a special 250 unit pack. Would that be better?
Sam: Not really.
Leech: Since you are so concerned about value, I’d like to offer you the 100 unit pack. That’s a savings of almost 75 percent!
Sam: I know what would work for me. Send me some company literature, and I’ll review it and then decide.
Leech: How about a 25 unit pack? That’s 95 percent off.
Sam: How about you put something in writing, then I get back to you. Here’s our mailing address.
Leech ( hangs up )
One month later….
SonOfLeech: Am I speaking to the person in charge of the printers?
Sam: Yes.
SonOfLeech: I’m from X company and we sell a product that solves all your toner woes.
Sam: I think I spoke with someone before from your company. You have a 500, 250 and 100 unit pack right?
SonOfLeech: Yes. Which can I put you down for?
Sam: Put me down for company literature.
SonOfLeech: Sir, this will save money on toner cartridges….
Sam: Here’s my mailing address. Unless you are willing to put this offer in writing and send me a catalog, we’re not doing business.
SonOfLeech: But..
Sam: Do you want the address?
SonOfLeech: Have a good day, sir.
Sam ( hangs up )
Dear God, please fill them with the courage to call again. I want to test out my “psycho” tech guy routine.
That pretty much sums up any cold call from a vendor that I have received.
Why are these unknown vendors so evil, Jaysen? Can someone write a new script, or is the nature of a no referral sale too twisted from the outset for anything more creative than a hi-how-many-can-i-put-you-down-for?