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Archive for June, 2005
Monster in Law
Friday, June 3rd, 2005
Like most of America, I cringed at the amount of Bennifer 1 press. The national nightmare seemed it might never end. Months after the split, talk of the Bennifer 1 effect on films that starred either Jenifer Lopez or Ben Affleck hounded both actors. Some movies flopped, some did well. Ben Affleck hasn't moved past the stain of overexposure yet. Jenifer Lopez has. Monster in Law proved it.
She was everything in this film once assumed she was not: likeable, funny, charming and down to earth. I liked her character, I liked her performance, I liked this movie.
The plot - Love Story-esque - common girl falls for a rich only child of an overprotective mother who disapproves of the new love, and railroads the relationship. Jane Fonda, the monster, was al dente. While I disliked her years ago for other reasons, she's back on the will watch list. Oh her character was mean and vicious and calculating, and it worked for her very well in this role.
What's good about Monster in Law:
1)Casting. Every character who matters in this flick is cast properly. Good performances. Aloha, Hanoi Jane!
2)Plot. Tight. The writing works for it, the characters are consistent. Conflict keeps the story interesting.
3)Execution – everything comes together.
Verdict: A good date film. Matinee, DVD rental.
Crash
Friday, June 3rd, 2005
A better title for Crash would be Bomb. Stink Bomb that is. From the very first scene until the final credits, the stench only increases.
Besides the fact that the characters are wretched, save the locksmith, who is the only reasonable and believable individual, it's a “theme� film. I'm of the opinion that if you want to send a message, try Federal Express. If you want to tell a story, write a book, a play, or make a movie.
What is this magnus theme? We are all racists. We must be, because every character says nasty and derogatory things about other ethnic groups. When the actors are mouthpieces for a writer with a mission statement, they must break character and accommodate those pearls of wisdom. The net effect – each actor sounds and acts the same - bitter and bigoted.
What's good about this movie.
1)All cameras are in focus.
2)Soundtrack is hopping.
3)The color processing is correct.
4)The cast is varied and diverse, and effective. Just not in this film.
Verdict: No stars, no cookies, no thumbs up. Avoid Crash. See it on an airplane and don't rent the headset. Or buy the soundtrack, where available.
Endo vs. colo – survey says!
Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
This morning I had a lower endoscopy, a procedure which closely resembles an upper endoscopy, except for the required prep work and the insertion point of the camera.
Honestly, not to scare anyone, but in my opinion lower vs. upper, lower endoscopys suck. There were four caveats. Besides that the lower required twice as much anesthesia, when I regained consciousness, I felt violated. Also, the gown exposed....ahem...certain body parts. Surely a coincidence. Last, in order to ensure a clear picture they pumped air into the colon. This produced distension and gas worthy of secondhand Chinese food gone horribly wrong.
Absolutely no comment on the Fleet Phosoda liquid nightmare the day before.
Below - links to a few pictures from the surgery. The usual warning applies: not safe right after lunch.
Gallery of surgery pics
Ileum
The choice is clear. If your doctor orders an endoscopy, insist on an upper, not a downer.
Unmask yourself
Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
First Britain banned guns, weapons and self-defense. Scotland one upped them by banning knives. Jobs were next on the hatchet. Now the UK is banning hoodies, caps or any apparel that might obscure or conceal the face in some public areas.
Many feel terrorized by the hood wearing “gangsters” in shopping malls. Whether these “hoods” are actual criminals, fakers or perps in-training is not clear. What is clear is that fashion is more upsetting to the British public of late than the chronic unemployment situation. Eh?
Either gun seizure works and criminals obey the laws, a point which seems a contradiction – since most criminals don't bother with laws, hence the title criminal, or perhaps the problem weren't too many guns at all. Perhaps people just don't feel safe.
Maybe criminals are just plain evil and get off on scaring grandmas at the bus stop. Take away their weapons, take away their hoods, take away their plastic knives, baseball bats and cars, and they'll still suck. Even if they have to run down grandma with a Fleet Enema.
That being said, I still love Britain. ;)
