Mel Brooks once said something like - “tragedy is when I prick my finger, comedy is when you fall into a ditch.” Now imagine a massive on line catalog of said mishaps. Well it’s here. Check out Darwin Awards.

Their charter - “The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally kill themselves in really stupid ways. Harsh? A bit. Funny? Oh, hell yeah.

Thanks to Todd for sharing this one.

If there is one scourge that trumps hangovers or fresh stitches, it is Monday. This Monday was different, because the requested and recently polished materials are in the mail, dashing towards a prospective agent at the speed of postman.

Note to mail person - Run you postal carrier, run!

My nerves and this blog return to normal Tuesday.

September/October releases are the bowels of cinema, a time for leftovers ditched by the studios. Often denied marketing dollars, distribution or any semblance of decency; each year they march to screens like lemmings.

As a service, I offer these movie viewlets. Shorter than their full length counterpart, they deliver the essence of a film review in a fraction of the time. Because if the studios don’t give it their undivided attention - why should ticket buyers?

1) Friday Night Lights � MTV vs. football. Viewers lose.
2) Woman Thou Art Loosed � powerful, well written and timely. How the hell did this ever get released? It’s a keeper in limited release.
3) Garden State � Brilliant, topical and stars lesser known and up and comers. A stunning debut by director Zach Braff. The Jersey film of the decade. Touches on the big themes - life, death, love and Xanax.
4) Cellular � Poke your eyes out instead.
5) Without a Paddle � Lots of fun, decent story, good cast, stupid title. It’s a comic adventure about three boys brought together by a death, trying to recapture their childhood. Rent to own, own to rent or see it now!

All in all, not a bad September/October for movies. Sorta.

Normally I don’t blog about writing two entries in a row, but a request from an agent arrived for The Ridge Runner today via post.

The day went to touch up work for the requested pages; Saturday for double checking them. I don’t pray much, but when that package goes out Monday morning, it’s Hail Mary time.

Here’s to karma.

After reading six Dean Koontz books, several observations are clear.

1) Cool cover art, and particularly nifty fonts.
2) Story can be reduced to one sentence
3) Receives attractive displays and prominent placement in the bookstores
4) Sells a LOT of copies

His writing works for many people. The sales figures speak for themselves.

Points 1-3 suggest another story. My theory: points 1-3 are the principal and perhaps only cause of number 4.

Bottom line - his publisher knows how to market him. So if they can market him, they can market me.

There I go, thinking out loud again. Back to my pages…

Buddhapuss,

How exactly does one become a Zen Master? Is this a legitimate title, or an honorary one? (rather like all those advanced degrees George W has accumulated?) Further, what daily duties/responsibilities are involved for a Zen Master?

Cautious and Guarded in NJ

Dear Cautious,

You sign your letter cautious and guarded. This must be because you live in New Jersey. It’s enough to make a doubter of anyone.

Credibility is at a premium in this state, but is not the advice I share with my readers both informative and entertaining? Have I not consistently, and at some times enormous personal risk, provided the most sound answer? Yes. Yes, I have. So step off fool! Zen Master represent!

Now that your karma is properly adjusted, let’s return to the important part of your question: What do I , Master Buddhapuss, do all day.

Behold, a small excerpt from my Day Runner.

05:00 AM – Pounce on head to wake up sam. Repeat until first feeding.
06:00 AM – Meditation exercise. Query - why is sam still sleeping?
07:00 AM – Step on sam’s head. Repeat until second feeding.
07:30 AM – First nap.
08:00 AM – Cardio workout. Slip out the door as the wife leaves for work. Descend several flights of stairs, refuse to return until treats are offered.
08:30 AM – Recovery and cool down from cardio workout
09:00 AM – Second meditation exercise. Query – why is sam still sleeping?
09:30 AM – First nap
10:00 AM – Second nap
11:00 AM – Remind sam that lunchtime approaches
12:00 PM – Lunch time
01:00 PM – Surf web, read and answer emails
02:00 PM – Select letter to answer for column
03:00 PM – Meditation exercise. Query – how to answer question in time for nap?
03:30 PM – Third nap
04:00 PM – Second snack
05:00 PM – Gather strength for dinner campaign

So Cautious, there’s but just the first 12 hours of my action packed days. Remember, it’s not how much work you do, it’s what you do with the work you do do. Er…well…I think you get the idea. It takes a lot of discipline to get to a place like this.

Yours in Pats,
Buddhapuss

It’s a good thing Queen Isabella never heard of the Atkins diet. Otherwise Christopher Columbus may have passed on the bet, ceding the first one here title to the Vikings. And while everyone loved the Vikings for their taste in window treatments, as raiders, they had a nasty habit of lighting everything nailed down on fire and stealing what wasn’t. In many ways, the Vikings were the Enron’s of their day, a mere eight hundred years before the discovery of the boardroom.

Still, burning the country side does not a stable New World make, so the job went to Columbus. On his day, we remember his discovery of North America and revel in the importance. My high school history teacher summarized Christopher’s accomplishments best – Columbus didn’t know where he was going, when he got there he didn’t know where he was, and when he got back home - he didn’t know where he’d been. And so a nation was born.

Today, many commuters relive his journey each business day by going to work.