Month: August 2004

Open Water

Writer guy

It’s easy to write a negative movie review; but instead of panning a film that misses the mark – so far I have abstained from commenting on such movies. That’s been the foundational rule of the reviews here at samhilliard.com. However, in the interest of public safety and community wellness, sometimes rules must be broken.

Less than an hour ago, I suffered through 79 minutes of pure, 100 percent unadulterated crap. Any more crappy and the screen would’ve turned brown. Open Water is an awful movie on every level.

The premise, a term used loosely here – take a couple on vacation and separate them from the dive boat. And that’s the whole movie. Looking for a plot twists? Dialog that’s interesting? Characters you don’t want to push down the stairs? A camera that’s held by someone who’s sober? Sorry, please try again.

15 minutes in, I was begging for the sharks to put me out of my misery and eat the couple. The only thing that would make this movie better is a full refund and an apology.

I booed along with several other people during the credits.

Verdict: Open Water = BAD. Don’t see it, don’t rent it, don’t watch it on cable or the Lifetime network.

I will return

Writer guy

I’m in the middle of a writing streak and in the interest of finishing the 6th draft by the end of the summer, I’ve placed myself on blogging probation.

Samhilliard.com will return on September 1, 2004 with a new Master Buddhapuss and poll.

Thanks for your patience and support. Any one signed up for the general annoucements mailing list will be notified.

Short Cut

Writer guy

Hopefully this blog makes sense later because presently; everything reads like Sanskrit held upside to a mirror. It was a memorable day, yet at the same time what I had for breakfast escapes me.

For dinner, the Wife and I had a picnic in a park and watched the sun tuck in behind the pine trees. Very cool – most definitely the high point of the day. Spectacular sunsets are one of New Jersey’s greatest natural assets – one of the few commodities they haven’t figured out how to tax out of the state. Well, perhaps next year.

Flashback to the 80’s

Writer guy

Remember the days before every piece of consumer electronics shipped with a remote control? Oh, you don’t? Well, no worries. Flash back a second to the dark ages – a time and place some people knew as the 1980’s.

At the start of this strange and twisted decade, music came in one media, a large black flat plastic disc called a record, which only played on a turntable. This turntable had a floating arm with a needle at the tip designed to wear and tear the record every time the disc spun.

Visualizing this scene yet, daddio? We’re talking about ancient technology here. These were the days and nights of snorting cocaine, while watching Miami Vice and crying from PacMan elbow. Everyone’s favorite color was a shade of neon. For home entertainment, people played Atari, although, the cool kids all had Coleco. Madonna sold out baseball stadiums. MTV played music videos and Michael Jackson was not white. Yes, strange days indeed.

Flash ahead now to the present day of 64 bit color graphics and 108 inch projector home entertainment system of doom television sets. Madonna stills sells out baseball stadiums.

And that brings us full circle to the ubiquitous remote. Now, I’m not going to claim that I can’t be lazy at times. But when my buddy bought a new window AC unit it came with; get this – a remote control.

How many times does one change the temperature settings on a window AC unit during the day exactly? Is it just too much to stand up and adjust that dial even just once? That’s a bit couch potato style for even my laid back tastes.