Fathers pass down very few essential rules from life’s operation manual to their sons. When hungry, eat. When thirsty, drink. When boredom strikes, reach for a book/TV remote/Gameboy. And the most important one, never let your mother know.

The essence of man to man relationships is well, primitive, basic and somehow for the sum of recorded history has only resulted in 1 large scale military conflict every 7 years.

But that’s men to men. Women to women? Little secret here guys:
1. We will never understand the complexities of the female to female dynamic.
2. Reread rule 1.
3. You still don’t get it.

This argument boils down to a unique characteristic of the female sex which I hereby dub love and hate.

Women can love and hate another female/male/hairstyle/puppy dog/book at the same time. A woman can lust for her husband’s death for not wiping the sink down after shaving just as she yearns for him to return home early from a business trip. And most incredibly, she can feel and express both emotions with equal intensity!

Men can not do this. This I know to be true.

My father’s calling me now. Something about losing the remote control in the couch…