Month: May 2004

I don’t like ice cream – part II

Writer guy

In response to yesterday’s blog about the ice cream man a friend IM’ed me about his experiences as a boy with ice cream man. I make no claims about the accuracy of this information, but he’s a good friend and he swears it is true.

Back in his day, there was an ice cream man with an interesting and let us hope unique business model. He’d make one pass on the neighborhood selling drugs and or weapons ( like knives or brass knuckles ), then make another pass an hour later selling ice cream. Around four in the afternoon it was like “Lord of the Flies” as my friend puts it.

This dovetails with my experiences as a college student, as I tried in vain to buy some ice cream on a hot May afternoon many years back.
sam: I’d like an ice cream sandwich.
Ice cream man: I don’t have any.
sam: Orange flavored push up?
Ice cream man: Sorry.
sam: Nutty buddie?
Ice cream man: I got a real sweet treat for you. Ten bucks.
sam: That’s an awful lot for ice cream.
Ice cream man: This is special.
sam: I don’t think I’m quite special enough for that, thanks.

I don’t like ice cream

Writer guy

Ever just want to punch the Good Humor man in the face as he trolls the neighborhood hawking his frozen sugar coated wares to children? Come on, admit it. You’ve considered what it would be like to sock that middle aged man right in the nose and then ask him for an ice cream sandwich and an orange flavored push up.

Every year I like the ice cream man a little less. A few more years of this and my loathing earns its merit badge and graduates to outright hatred.

The ice cream man drives too slow for starters. Way too slow. Secondly he does this while littering that awful Kabuki meets classical music all over the street. Lastly, he’s selling young children a very dangerous drug; refined sugar. Why he’s nothing more than a drug pusher who slithers into the neighborhood, gets his money and then slithers away.

It’s time to send the ice cream pusher packing. When he comes down your street, lock your children inside. Do not heed his call for the promise of frozen treats. Take back your neighborhood! Tell him to go peddle his poison somewhere else. Do it for yourself and for your children, but please do it now!

Should we ?

Writer guy

The wife and I don’t have a TV. No, we’re not hill people. But thanks for asking. We have all our teeth and an indoor toilet. However, lately we’ve been revisiting that decision.

Back when the wife was just a wee lass, her father hid the remote control so others couldn’t watch the one TV they had in the living room. If you did by some chance find the remote, you wouldn’t have it for long.

Flash to when the wife was just the girlfriend. She said, “You’re not allowed to own a television. That way you won’t turn into my father.” I’d like to say I retorted with something manly, something that conveyed my indignation, but I didn’t.

What follows is the pluses and minuses of TV ownership. Part of this I’m working from memory on, so there may be others.

Reasons to own a TV
1) People look at us dubiously when we say we don’t own one.
2) We could watch it instead of talking with each other.
3) We would know what happened on the show OC.

Reasons not to own a TV
1) It costs money. I hate that.
2) According to every person I talk to, this season is the “worst ever”. They also said that last year.
3) I’d have to move the furniture around again.
4) One want leads to another. TV leads to Cable leads to VCR leads to DVD leads to Tivo leads to Mortgage. That sucks even more than number 1.

Drink Coke

Writer guy

Some weekends are so nice Monday looks it might be a friend, not an expletive. Then it arrives and the mighty hammer of karma drops down all over again. Monday is just one rough hombre no matter how it’s served. Dress it up with garnish or garlic, butter or spice, it will still taste like sour milk.

True some Mondays are better than others. They’re like kittens instead of hungry lions. Like beef jerky instead of gazpacho with anchovies. Some Mondays I don’t even want a complete change of blood so as to vent the toxins.

But at this moment after two days of perfect weather the possibility of Monday is anathema. It’s a joke right? Monday is not going to happen next week at all. Yes, that’s it. The week shall start with Tuesday.

Think of the economy of it. If we extricate Monday, the weekend shall arrive one day earlier! And that’s great for productivity Mr. or Mrs. Boss man. Trust me.